Schizometric: A Vision over Visibility

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I'm gearing up to start a doctoral program in Clinical Psychology in about a year (fingers crossed). I haven't decided on a concentration- still deciding between Neuropsychology, Forensic Psychology, and Adult Health Psychology. I do know that I want to practice and teach at the university level.

I should have begun by disclosing my utter love and fascination with art. Many believe that those so enthralled with art lack analytical skill or rigorous intellect. I don't believe this to be the case. Art, especially art that is not attached to commerce, demands the full faculties of both heart and mind. I'm an actor by training. I'm also a singer songwriter. While I'm not currently auditioning or seriously seeking a record deal, these titles suit me well. For those who find it strange that someone so invested in art can also be invested in psychology, let me just say that the two are inseparable and intertwined for me.



I'm not into the game playing that is usually associated with dating. If I like you I'm not going to wait 3 days to a week to call even though I am busy and do have a life. I wish there was a way to bypass dating and get immediately to the meat of a relationship. I come to a relationship with an open mind and an open heart. I will not pretend to be something or someone that I think you'll be attracted to. I'm too old for nonsense and too serious about making room for love in my life to shortchange myself or anyone else. If I like you, you will know it. If I love you, you will feel it and see it in everyday things and I will never have to tell you for you to be certain of my feelings, but I will tell you often because I think it's important to. I promise I am not the self-absorbed guy this may make me out to be. I'm a total goofball. I love to keep people laughing and having a good time. I have kind of a sardonic wit that sometimes gets me in trouble.

I'm an art freak and can lose hours at MOCA (Museum of Contemporary Art-Los Angeles) or LACMA (Los Angeles County Museum of Art-I think) or at a concert.

I take my romantic relationships seriously and have come to recognize that they can't be about me but have to be about us. I have extensive experience with being on both sides of selfishness, and have no desire to investigate it further. I'm all about living with intention. What I mean is allowing your goals to dictate your actions in day to day life. It's really important to me to keep in mind that the journey is as important (if not more important) than the destination.

I believe in fidelity. Infidelity is something that I can't forgive- once the trust is gone from a relationship it is next to impossible to repair.

What I want I haven't seen yet but I believe with my whole heart that it is out there: You are disarming. You are brilliant but not stuffy. You are funny but not in a spiteful way. You are kind beyond reason. You are charismatic beyond measure. You are adaptable. You disable my safeguards with warmth and laughter. You are genuine. You can't sing but you've got soul. You take my breath away.
Man
Woman
47 years old
Dating
LTR
Marriage
from 24 to 41

Black
6'2" (188cm)

 

Athletic

 


College Administrator
English

 

Bachelors degree

 

Psych/Acting

 

University of Southern California

 


United States
90004
Los Angeles, California

 


A Vision over Visibility
  
The Dance

I have sent you my invitation, the note inscribed on the palm of my hand by the fire of living. Don't jump up and shout, "Yes, this is what I want! Let's do it!" Just stand up quietly and dance with me.

Show me how you follow your deepest desires, spiralling down into the ache within the ache. And I will show you how I reach inward and open outward to feel the kiss of the Mystery, sweet lips on my own, everyday.

Don't tell me you want to hold the whole world in your heart. Show me how you turn away from making another wrong without abandoning yourself when you are hurt and afraid of being unloved.

Tell me a story of who you are, And see who I am in the stories I am living. And together we will remember that each of us always has a choice.

Don't tell me how wonderful things will be . . . some day. Show me you can risk being completely at peace, truly OK with the way things are right now in this moment, and again in the next and the next and the next. . .

I have heard enough warrior stories of heroic daring. Tell me how you crumble when you hit the wall, the place you cannot go beyond by the strength of your own will. What carries you to the other side of that wall, to the fragile beauty of your own humanness?

And after we have shown each other how we have set and kept the clear, healthy boundaries that help us live side by side with each other, let us risk remembering that we never stop silently loving those we once loved out loud.

Take me to the places on the earth that teach you how to dance, the places where you can risk letting the world break your heart. And I will take you to the places where the earth beneath my feet and the stars overhead make my heart whole again and again.

Show me how you take care of business without letting business determine who you are. When the children are fed but still the voices within and around us shout that soul's desires have too high a price, let us remind each other that it is never about the money.

Show me how you offer to your people and the world the stories and the songs you want our children's children to remember, and I will show you how I struggle not to change the world, but to love it.

Sit beside me in long moments of shared solitude, knowing both our absolute aloneness and our undeniable belonging. Dance with me in the silence and in the sound of small daily words, holding neither against me at the end of the day.

And when the sound of all the declarations of our sincerest intentions has died away on the wind, dance with me in the infinite pause before the next great inhale of the breath that is breathing us all into being, not filling the emptiness from the outside or from within.

Don't say, "Yes!"
Just take my hand and dance with me.

-Oriah Mountain Dreamer

If this writing speak to you, you may be someone I would like to know.

 

  
Herman Wouk, Hermann Hesse, Anne Rice, David Sedaris, Ken Wilbur, too many to mention really

 

  
What do you seek?

 

  
Music: U2, Bob Dylan, Counting Crows, REM, Johnny Cash, VINX, Fishbone, Jimi Hendrix, Bebel Gilberto, Tori Amos, St. Vincent, MGMT, Damien Rice, The Bird & The Bee, Union Station, The Doors, The Beatles, Tom Waits, Lyle Lovette, Kate Bush, Bill Withers, Jane Siberry, Ben Harper, Radiohead, Sting, Cake, Coldplay, Curtis Mayfield, Miles Davis, Vangelis, Amos Lee, Allison Krause, Liz Phair, Rufus Wainwright, P.J. Harvey, Stevie Wonder, Dixie Chicks, They Might Be Giants, Al Green, Thelonius Monk, Charlie Parker, John Coltrane, Charles Mingus, Tom Petty, The Byrds, Branford and Wynton Marsalis, Gil Evans Orchestra, Kenny Kirkland, Sarah Mclauglin, Brian Eno, Michael Brecker, Paul Simon, Smashing Pumpkins, Nirvana, Bjork, Prince, David Bowie, Beck, Ella Fitzgerald, Lady Day, Tracy Chapman, Tenacious D, Wilco, Mazzy Star, D'Angelo, Sade, Fiona Apple, Marvin Gaye

Cine: The Science of Sleep, Children of Men, A Clockwork Orange, Wings of Desire, Bladerunner, Life is Beautiful, Reservoir Dogs, Paris Texas, Arlington Road, Bitter Moon, Brazil, Closer, Pelle the Conqueror, Shawshank Redemption, Unforgiven, The Big Blue, Immortal Beloved, Damage, This is Spinal Tap, The Matrix Trilogy, Dark City, Blow, Glengarry GlenRoss, Boiler Room, Fargo, The Hudsucker Proxy, Beaches, The Good the Bad and the Ugly, The Hunt for Red October, The Shining, Oleana, The End of Violence, Alfie (Both Versions), The Professional, La Femme Nikita, The Transporter, The Sweet Hereafter, Boyz in the Hood, Pulp Fiction, Belle Epoque, The Graduate, Eating Raoul, The Order, Eyes Wide Shut, The Princess Bride, Spinal Tap, Lord of the Rings Trilogy, The Godfather I & II, Kronos, When Harry met Sally, Crash, Dogma, Syriana, Rounders, Swingers, The Nephew, Guess Who's Coming to Dinner, The Insider, Any Given Sunday, A Mighty Wind, Monty Python's Holy Grail, Monty Python's the Meaning of Life, Traffic, Momento, El Mariachi, Y Tu Mama Tabien, Dead Ringers, Fatherland, Existenz, The Final Solution, American History X, Fight Club, Kalifornia, Absolute Beginners, the Constant Gardener, The Last Emperor, Requiem for a Dream, The House of Sand and Fog

 

  

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